just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
