I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
