And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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