Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
