you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
