Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Operation Purity has been aborted
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
