who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
