She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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