Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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