He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
