i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
