Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
