I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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