You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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