She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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