Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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