maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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