All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
