Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
