watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
