thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
