we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
