remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
