Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
