apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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