i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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