So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize