I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Will exercising make me less horny?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
