Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
