so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
