I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
