saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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