So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
