Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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