I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
