I think im going to throw up on grandma
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
