We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i think i just lost a toe
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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