My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
