Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
