ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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