Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
