He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
