Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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