god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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