Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
