i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
