JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
