we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
