i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
