i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
