Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She even gives head with a lisp.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
