so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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