JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I said "one day" and that day is not today