She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.