Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo