I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid