I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.