a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN