How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
