For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
