Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
