Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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