On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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